My Little Family

3 Little Monkeys 

The man that holds the key to my heart.

This is my little monkey .. Goodness he has gotten so big.

Happy Holidays everyone. 

2012

Why Food Why

Why is it that food is such a wonderful fall back too? I had gastric bypass surgery done 2 years ago (august 2010) and swore I would never gain weight again. Boy was I wrong. I learned that I had a tool. Not a miracle. Still to this day food is my comfort. I love all foods... Food feeds my soul. Sometimes I wonder am I living to eat. The reality is I should be eating to live. I'm taking back my life. I hate looking into the mirror knowing that I've gained weight. I'm ashamed of myself. Why did I let food come back into my life? You are not going to win. I will overcome this. Food is my enemy (well the bad ones anyways). I know I must fuel my body but why does it have to be so hard. Why does everything in life have to be so hard? But once again, Reality is nothing in life is easy. So this is something I have to prove to myself. I'm sure there are people out there who know me and knew I would fail. But it’s OK. I did fail but I haven't given up. I will be the person I said I was going to be. It’s just taking me a few bumps in the road to get there.

Day 2

Day 2
OK so it wasn't as good as yesterday. 

Breakfast 830am
2 eggs scrambled with cheese and salsa
1 piece of multi grain wheat bread

Grand total of 262 calories (23g of protein)


Snack 1030am
Protein Bar

Grand total of 200 calories (20g of protein)

Lunch
nothing

Dinner 630pm
English muffin pizza

Grand total of 190 calories (10g of protein)

Snack 9pm
cheese and pepperoni
Grand total of 115 calories (10g of protein)

TOTAL FOR THE DAY CALORIES: 767 AND PROTEIN: 63 PROTEIN 

I did however get all my fluids in for the day... Tomorrow will be better.. Just wasn't feeling food today.

Day one

Taking Back My Life One Day At A Time

830am

8oz coffee protein shake

4oz of cold coffee

4oz of skim milk

1 scoop of choclate protein

2-3 ice cubes

Grand total of 150 calories (26g of protein)

11am

8oz of pureed veggie soup

Grand total of 109 calories (10g of protein)

1pm

8oz coffee protein shake

4oz cold coffee

4oz skim milk

1 scoop of chocolate protein

2-3 ice cubes

Grand total of 150 calories (26g of protein)

3pm

8oz of pureed veggie soup

Grand total of 109 calories (10g of protein)

6pm

8oz pureed chicken noodle soup

Grand total of 110 calories (10g of protein)

8pm

Grilled cheese

Grand total of 300 calories (7g protein)

928 calories 

80g of protein 

Today was a good day. I didn't walk today but I did throw the football around for about 10 minutes. I really need to get back on the exercising train. 

Wow its been a while...

It has been a while since a wrote down my thoughts… so here we go

We have been in Tennessee now for 10 months now and well I still hate being here. But I’m slowly starting to come around. The one thing that has bothered me is I have gained 50 pounds since being back. Ok here is a recap… Left Hawaii moved in with my parents (2 families under one roof doesn’t work) moved into our own home (my uncles home we are renting) very thankful for him. We have been having our ups and downs but in July we learned we were having a baby. Yes a baby you read right. We were so very excited we couldn’t wait to tell everyone. We went to confirm the test on July 2^nd. Yep we are pregnant. Estimated due date was March 5^th 2013. That day was extra special to us because it was Candy’s birthday. I made my appointment with the obgyn and they confirmed I was 5 weeks pregnancy. You can imagine the joy of getting pregnant without any fertility medications (our first was a clomid baby). Our 2^nd ob appointment went wonderful I was 8 weeks and there was a beautiful heartbeat. To make it even more amazing Will was home this time around. Both he and Ian were in the room. They said everything looked wonderful and we made an appointment for 12weeks. Over the next 4 weeks everything was great. We started picking out names and themes and started talking about what we wanted the baby shower done in. Me and Candy went to some consignment stores and picked up some neutral gowns and sleepers. The happiness was beaming off my face. The morning of my appointment august 20^th I woke up early (couldn’t sleep b/c I was going to see my wee one on ultrasound today) went to the bathroom and there was BLOOD. I already knew what was going on (had a miscarriage with our first baby in 2007). I couldn’t cry just called the ob and they told me to come on in. The ride was completely quiet on the way to the Doctor. I get there and they check me and send me for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. The dr. did the” I’m sorry routine and these things happen”. I was ready to get the hell out of that place. So let’s skip over all the crying and depression stage. It wasn’t very pretty. But the next few months have been looking better . I’ve been working more and staying busy and food has been my comfort.. YEP once again food has been my comfort. Why does food have to be so kind and nice? I had RNY to help me better my life. To be able to be active with my son and live a long healthy life with my husband. Why in the hell would I allow myself to gain 50 pounds? I mean seriously my highest weight was 550. I don’t ever want to see myself like that again. But the way im heading it is only a matter of time. So here it is, im starting over. I’m going to lose this weight and I WILL MAKE MY GOAL. It isn’t gonna be easy I can already tell. But here it goes…..