It has been a while since a wrote down my thoughts… so here
we go
We have been in Tennessee now for 10 months now and well I
still hate being here. But I’m slowly starting to come around. The one thing
that has bothered me is I have gained 50 pounds since being back. Ok here is a
recap… Left Hawaii moved in with my parents (2 families under one roof doesn’t work)
moved into our own home (my uncles home we are renting) very thankful for him. We
have been having our ups and downs but in July we learned we were having a
baby. Yes a baby you read right. We were so very excited we couldn’t wait to
tell everyone. We went to confirm the test on July 2nd. Yep we are
pregnant. Estimated due date was March 5th 2013. That day was extra
special to us because it was Candy’s birthday. I made my appointment with the
obgyn and they confirmed I was 5 weeks pregnancy. You can imagine the joy of
getting pregnant without any fertility medications (our first was a clomid
baby). Our 2nd ob appointment went wonderful I was 8 weeks and there
was a beautiful heartbeat. To make it even more amazing Will was home this time
around. Both he and Ian were in the room. They said everything looked wonderful
and we made an appointment for 12weeks. Over the next 4 weeks everything was
great. We started picking out names and themes and started talking about what
we wanted the baby shower done in. Me and Candy went to some consignment stores
and picked up some neutral gowns and sleepers. The happiness was beaming off my
face. The morning of my appointment august 20th I woke up early (couldn’t
sleep b/c I was going to see my wee one on ultrasound today) went to the
bathroom and there was BLOOD. I already knew what was going on (had a miscarriage
with our first baby in 2007). I couldn’t cry just called the ob and they told
me to come on in. The ride was completely quiet on the way to the Doctor. I get
there and they check me and send me for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat.
The dr. did the” I’m sorry routine and these things happen”. I was ready to get
the hell out of that place. So let’s skip over all the crying and depression
stage. It wasn’t very pretty. But the next few months have been looking better . I’ve been working more and staying busy and food has been my comfort..
YEP once again food has been my comfort. Why does food have to be so kind and nice?
I had RNY to help me better my life. To be able to be active with my son and
live a long healthy life with my husband. Why in the hell would I allow myself
to gain 50 pounds? I mean seriously my highest weight was 550. I don’t ever want
to see myself like that again. But the way im heading it is only a matter of
time. So here it is, im starting over. I’m going to lose this weight and I WILL
MAKE MY GOAL. It isn’t gonna be easy I can already tell. But here it goes…..
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